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I am attached and dependent upon this flute
What song is this two-note rhythm?
Up and down, up and down
Up and down like, and with, the waves that float me
A song within me, and around me

Here I am vulnerable
Hovering over an abyss
The way the spirit hovers over the deathbed
It’s an eerie fear when I laugh
When I spin around, I have so much room
I’m caught both underneath and above

What the hell is down there?
Hell?
Lost civilizations?
Shipwrecked Hawaiian sailors on their way to the next island frontier?
My true self, forgotten?
Or optical illusions?
The sunlight, rays through the shallows
Reflections of prismatic kaleidoscopes
All along this two-note rhythm

I dive and dive and dive
I dive to sense the depths of me
I dive to feel the need to breathe
My stubborn lungs fighting me
It gets colder the deeper you go
And quieter

But what can I tell you about my own depths?
Well, they are very empty
They are inescapable the deeper I go
I went through a lot of trouble to keep from looking at them
I collected dramas
I blamed others
I refused to accept that people change

Perhaps I need scuba gear?

At last the red alert of my blood cells
Like a million sailors in a submarine rising
Spinning the cranks, tightening the latches, securing the galley
My heart is pounding, my chest is convulsing
As I race to the surface
The breach, the seawater explodes from my blowhole like a whale
Then a gasp for air
It is real air
The sunlight careens my face,
It comes through my mask and into my eyes
They sting from the salt

A realization:
“I was too caught up in a feeling of Weltschmerz”
A new word I learned the other day

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